"We fall from womb to tomb, from one blackness and toward another, remembering little of the one and knowing nothing of the other"
To be quite frank to the possible internet passerby, I have never made a website, nor do I have the slightest clue how to, so apologies if things don't look as physically appealing as I may wish them to.
Alright, lets just hop right into this. I haven't properly slept in days, let alone rested. Constant noise at night is keeping me up, sometimes its tapping or footsteps, but they never sound like they come from inside, only outside. I wanted to smoke a bit before going to bed for the night, i think it was around 2-3am..not sure. I usually just lean out of the back door, but when I had went to open it I swear someone said my name. Someone outside somewhere. I went to see if anyone was awake in the house or calling for me but nope. Everyone was asleep, like always. I'm not even sure why I check anymore. I don't know if it's just my paranoia or anxiety getting to me but it just keeps getting worse. I can't even sleep at night anymore, only when the sun's out. haven't slept since. I think i'll go try to sleep a bit while the sun is still out.
EDIT: I'm just going to begin adding onto these entries as edits to save space and keep track of time. Entries are numbered by days Ive had the website up I guess.. or by the times I post? not like anyone will read this.. anyways, I tried to sleep but only got 2 hours at best, damn nightmares. Better to spend some time on here rather than overthink and let my paranoia get to me, right? I hope so. I feel like im a crazy person talking to themselves but at this point typing the thoughts is better than just thinking them ya know? I just feel a contsant feeling of an impending doom if that makes since. I know the sun sets around 8 pm here, only about 2 hours left before I need to be vigilant in a way. At least on guard. First it starts with knocking and tapping, then sounds outside when I step out for a smoke, an occasional thud or loud knock, the list goes on and on. The only thing that i'm truely afriad of is that its getting more frequent, and more intense. The front door opened a day or two ago, even though it was locked and everyone was sleeping. Things have been flying off of shelves, but worst of all, I keep seeing animals. But not normal ones. When I go to take a closer look, they smell of death but look physically fine. I thought that it could just be a different animal nearby because my backyard is basically in the forrest, but after it kept happening with the same deers and rabbits, I assumed that it could be something else. Their eyes look evil. Could God be punishing me? I just cant seem to grasp what's happening anymore.
EDIT 2: Sun's begining to set and I wish it wasn't. Its sad, I used to love the night time, now thats been taken from me. Now all I can do is brace for the time when everyone goes to bed and i'm left alone. At least the family hasn't asked about this yet, I expect they might soon, but I can always hope that they don't. Its my little safe haven.
Been a day or two since I got on here. Family found the site, hasn't been good since. They think im crazy. not crazy, tired and scared but not crazy. I'm not even sure anymore. I feel empty. In short, gonna take a break from here.
I guess i'm back for a little bit, not sure how long it'll be until the next entry but oh well, it works I guess. It's almost 5:30 am and the sun's finally starting to rise but i'm still not tired. I haven't been hearing as much noises as when I last posted, and have been getting some sleep (with the help of sleeping pills) but I haven't really been dreaming, If I do dream it's the same dream every time. There's a hole in the wall of a stone room with latin words above and around it but I obviously am not fluent in latin so It's not like I know what the words are, but just in case they're a warning, i'm not gonna chance it and go in. I know it's just a small thing to write about but hey, my site my rules I guess. I don't know... guess it's time for a little rest
EDIT: It's starange how weird experiences make you question your faith and interests. All I can do is watch scary stories about peoples (fake) experiences while I sit here too paranoid to fall asleep, even though they're stories, it helps me feel like I have someone to relate to.